I've Made Up My Mind

Well, November is really a disaster...put aside all the good things but it's not enough to make the sun shine on me this month. It's been awhile I blogged and let me say....I've made up my mind, I need to be taken away. I don't care whoever comes, DEATH?ANGEL? whoever....just take me away from this ache that I have.

It's like a paper cut where it doesn't look bad but it hurts so bad. Ya...it's true that this blog has become a depression blog, I won't deny that damn true facts about it. Everything I do is wrong, it doesn't please anyone...it's like I'm hurting them in one freaking way or another.

And those who just have to make it worst for me...thanks millions people, I owe one...BIG TIME. I can't blame them though..its not taught in kindergarten,elementary or high school. I'll remain my silence and keep this excruciating hemorrhage to myself. But when I need some one to talk to me and comfort me...it just doesn't happen...I've been offering so much sometimes and I didn't get anything in return. Serves the fact that I'm an asshole thats why I'm excluded from the "I should be good to this person" list. I'm still searching for someone who listen to my crap, that's why knowing new people everyday is such an important thing. People who I have, friends.....they start to fail...one by one, its like a damn plague moving across my life's perimeter. Hate it when it happens to me...I can't trust anyone anymore...When I really need to turn to them, they just fail miserably.

I'm 18 this month and guess what...I'm not having the time of my life! How I calm myself down this whole month? Is that I help people, offer myself to them whether I can lighten their burden anyhow...it's my dream achievement in life and I love doing it. Even giving donation to people makes me happy (don't care even if they turn out to be scam beggars)

Some things are should be left UNSPOKEN...that's so important everywhere...I've been hit with so many things that I needn't to know. Well, guess it's karma...And its the WORST when you get in right in the face....it happens so fast that you won't know what hit you. Getting that recently breaks me inside out, seriously...its traumatic, disturbing, unspeakable.

I've not been asking alot like a Christmas list, but all I want is things to go easy on me...and hope that people who are close to me...that really loves me...knows what I've been going through.

Broken shattered November- badly hurt and wounded.